"Beaver-Thing"

"Whatever knows beaver fever burns at the touch of the Man-Thing"

Been remiss on posting in the Castor canadensis category. Here's a roundup of recent events, starting with this report of an alarming occurrence in North Carolina:

WAKE COUNTY (WTVD) -- County officials said a beaver attacked two people at Falls Lake - prompting a warning for anyone who visits the area to use caution around wildlife.

You can forget about any zombie infestation breaking out - the beaver apocalypse appears to be at hand. From the murderous backwoods of Pennsylvania:

“I grabbed it in its mouth,” he said. “I had it around its bottom jaw as tightly as I could because I knew it was going to either bite me or bite the boys. I called the Scouts to come give me a hand.”

There has to be *update: there is a merit badge specifically for fighting off beavers. There is at least a "Beaver Dance Song" for Cub Scouts:

Beavers One, Beavers All,
Let's all do the Beaver crawl!
(make crawling motions with hands or crawl on ground)

And meanwhile in West Springfield, Virginia:

"Police say the beaver leaped out of the water onto the dock, acting agressively and chasing the children."

Also in Virginia, this time in Barcroft Lake (Fairfax County) a helpless 83-year old woman narrowly escaped death:

"The woman was attacked around 6 p.m., according to police. The woman was able to swim to shore and a neighbor struck the beaver with a branch until Animal Control officers were able to arrive."

But wait - in Virginia again - this time in Lake Anna (Spotsylvania County) - two young sisters were savagely mauled:

Alyssa initially thought a cousin was messing with her after she felt a bump on her leg, her mom said. “She could see this dark shadow underneath her, so she thought it was a person,” Wendy Radnovich said. She realized it wasn’t her cousin, and the beaver bit her as she tried to leave the water. The beaver then started circling Annabella and bit her in the back of the leg. Asked what she initially thought the animal was, Annabella said: “An electric eel that was very hairy.” 

Maybe officials should change the official state motto to "Virginia Is For RABIES"

And no, not even beloved pets are safe:

"Eventually they did get him," she said. "And then he let out a great big scream."

This is all not to say beavers are all bad though... as this article points out, they have very beneficial and sometimes unexpected effect on the landscape:

“But every day at the house, the little green helicopter was dipping at the beaver pond and returning to dump water on the fire. To go the half-mile from my house, turn around, fill his bucket in the small pond, and return to my house on the way back to the fire took the pilot less than a minute. The pilot was staying with a friend in town, and he said the pond was important to saving the valley we live in.”

Meanwhile, in Alaska we got the beaver's back...

“But every day at the house, the little green helicopter was dipping at the beaver pond and returning to dump water on the fire. To go the half-mile from my house, turn around, fill his bucket in the small pond, and return to my house on the way back to the fire took the pilot less than a minute. The pilot was staying with a friend in town, and he said the pond was important to saving the valley we live in.” - ADN

Courtesy of the Duluth Trading Company's Men's Workware & Clothing comes this nugget of marketing genius. It was actually a creepily targeted ad on my Facebook wall - perhaps I should install a filter that prevents me from visiting such websites so as to stop them from tracking my clandestine internet surfing habits. On the other hand, the scheme worked and I now know where my next pair of pants are coming from. Dam it all.

I just hope that any gnawing starts down around the ankles...