"Mauling"

There are times when vulgarity is required. There's just no possible way to convey or express the emotional depth of a moment when simply nothing else will do to describe the situation. That being said the demographics of our awesome newspaper somewhat precludes any usage of coarse language. Not unlike standing in a classroom before rapt students, I really ought to watch my dam mouth more often.

One of the many social graces I am most lacking in, especially amongst polite company, would be my tendency to swear like a Polish sailor. If anything the lewd + rude terminology would probably detract from the overall general tastelessness of the issue (especially seeing as how that's a very present danger in our neck of the woods).

Put it out there to the editor, who opted for the cleaner version, which is what went into print in the paper. Which is not the one posted here, for your enjoyment, dear reader.