Tuesday, September 7, 2010

"Joe Miller's Alaska"

Panel in today's issue of the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner
Hands-down the most blobular abstract of this state I've ever doodled, but hey, that's the view from the cabin. Okay, so technically that'd be Canada getting sawed-off: hence the "US" re-label as a big hint that this panel's in reference to the absolutist Constitutionalist stance espoused by Senatorial candidate Miller.
Rhetorical sound-bites and faulty logic aside, it's kind of awkward to make it a central platform seasoning in your bag of tea about the evils of the intrusive Federal Government encroaching on Alaska's sovereignty when we rank #1 in raking it in.
Luck with that.

In view of the red-menace hysteria over socialism (not to be confused with social liberalism) it’s worth reposting the CONSERVATIVE REAL AMERICAN SOCIALIST-FREE PURITY PLEDGE that went viral a ways back. (in full below the fold)

I, ______________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:

   I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

   I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed firearms in public.

   I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls.  


   I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life.  I will abstain from the use of and participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:

       * Social Security

       * Medicare/Medicaid

       * State Children's Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)

       * Police, Fire, and Emergency Services

       * US Postal Service

       * Roads and Highways

       * Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)

       * The US Railway System

       * Public Subways and Metro Systems

       * Public Bus and Lightrail Systems

       * Rest Areas on Highways

       * Sidewalks

       * All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)

       * Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)

       * Public and State Universities and Colleges

       * Public Primary and Secondary Schools

       * Sesame Street

       * Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children

       * Public Museums

       * Libraries

       * Public Parks and Beaches

       * State and National Parks

       * Public Zoos

       * Unemployment Insurance

       * Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services

       * Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or Federal Government (pretty much all of them)

       * Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)

       * Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)

       * Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking

       * Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies

       * Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies

If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own medical care
I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:

       * Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American  

       * The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments

       * The government-operated Statue of Liberty

       * The Grand Canyon

       * The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials

       * The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery

      * All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.
I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.
I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.  

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I die.


   ___________   _______________________

   Signed       Printed Name/Town and State

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